The Query Letter That Turned Into an Offer By Samantha Wekstein

I know the big question on so many authors’ minds is, what makes a good query? What will catch the attention of an agent?  I’m here today to break down the wonderful letter by my client, Laura Galán-Wells for her thrilling science fantasy, MONSTRUOS OF MEXICO, that initially piqued my interest.  

Complete at 87,000 words, MONSTRUOS OF MEXICO is an #ownvoices YA Speculative Fiction novel, first of a duology, inspired by Mexican mythology and folklore with crossover potential. It has the multiple PoV, braided narrative, and camaraderie of Six of Crows, the atmospheric tension of Wilder Girls, and the rich worldbuilding of Black Sun.

On Tochtli’s 8th birthday, her twin sister disappeared. On Tochtli’s 18th birthday, she wakes up naked on her bedroom floor with warm blood in her mouth and the broken bracelet of a neighbor girl clutched in her hand—a girl who is now missing. 

With no memory of what happened, Tochtli fears she’s turning into one of the monstruos that gobble any who venture beyond the city’s electric fencing. On top of that, she’s in a time crunch to choose between working as a featherworker with Abuela, or being secretly trained by a bionics engineer—a career forbidden to her caste.

But before she can figure anything out, the monstruo-detecting Inquisition snatches her up. Her heart is set to be sacrificed to a Mexica-Azteca god and replaced with an experimental bionic one that will revert her to a normal human. The downside? No one's lived longer than three years. Tochtli must either accept the will of the gods to remain with those she loves, or run in the hopes of solving the mystery of the missing girls and figuring out exactly what kind of monstruo she is.

My #ownvoices storytelling experience stems from narrative improv—in ¡ESCÁNDALO!—a never-before-seen bilingual telenovela with multiple comedic and dramatic plotlines we resolve in 90 minutes. I have imbued my novel with my own cultural experience, loving abuelas, Mexican food, and years of delicious mythology, genealogy, and history research.

Let’s start off with the intro! Right away I knew that Laura had found the right agent because I am absolutely looking for mythology and folklore based SFF, particularly from underrepresented cultures, and especially #ownvoices. So, even just making sure you are matching an agent’s wish-list can be enough to get them excited.  Laura also has SIX OF CROWS as a comp, which is an all-time favorite of mine.  What she does well here is point to specific elements (braided narrative, camaraderie, rich world building, atmospheric tension) that function both as a way to connect us to the comps, but also serve as a pitch for all the wonderful parts of her manuscript that will get us excited about reading it!  

What would I change about the intro? I typically like to leave the details about series length (whether it’s a standalone, duology, trilogy, etc.) for after the plot summary. I also would probably just put the word count in parenthesis after the title so we are starting with the title, genre, and topic as opposed to starting off with word count.  A nitpicky note, but full-length fiction manuscripts are always novels, so you don’t need to use both words in your intro. 

This was a very solid start overall! 

Next, there are specific questions I like to see answered in a plot summary:

Who is your character? Tochtli, a teen who longs for a career in bionics, but may have to choose her family and featherworking. She is haunted by the disappearance of her twin sister.

What kind of world do they live in? A fantasy world inspired by Mexican mythology/folklore in which people turn into mythological monsters—there’s also a super high-tech element (mechanical hearts! Bionics! A city enclosed by an electric fence surrounded by monsters running wild on the outside!)

What do they want? Tochtli has a few different goals! To figure out her future, to find the truth about her sister and the missing girls, and to survive potentially becoming a monstruo and avoid being forced to give up her future altogether. 

What are her obstacles to getting what she wants? Tochtli lives in a society with a strict caste system where there are certain futures that are forbidden to her. She has no memory of how she ended up covered in blood with the missing girl’s bracelet. She’s hunted by the inquisition priests who want to give her a mechanical heart and cut her life short. She doesn’t even know what type of monstruo she might be.

How will she try to overcome those obstacles? This is an area where I’d love for this letter to go into a little more detail. What will Tochtli do now that she’s captured?  How will she try to solve the mystery of the girls? What actions will she try to take in order to keep her life with her loved ones without sacrificing her future? What will she do to try to transcend the caste system and go after her dreams? 

What happens if she fails, or what tough choice will she have to make? The stakes in this letter are the true selling point! She will need to make the choice between staying with her loved ones, but only living three years, or risking it all as a monstruo alone in the wild.  Talk about clear and highly dramatic stakes! It’s important for stakes to feel equally weighted. On each side there is something important to Tochtli. And it’s important for us to understand what exactly she might be sacrificing with each choice. Ending the summary with these stakes left me really wanting to know how things would play out!  

Lastly, we end with an author bio. Laura does a great job of bringing her personality into this bio by letting us know about her impov, and connecting the story to her own cultural background.  Not only do we get to know her better, but she’s also convincing us of why she’s the best person to write this book based on her life experiences.  

Overall, this is an excellent letter. The plot summary, which is always the most important part has clear and exciting goals, obstacles, and stakes.  The world building shines through as unique and fascinating. The author has clearly studied my wish-list and points to exactly what I’m looking for in the intro. She does a great job of highlighting specific elements in her story that readers will be drawn to. And she makes it clear that her own background connects her to the material and makes her an authority on the mythology/folklore. 

This was an easy yes!  

For more info about putting together a solid query, I highly recommend checking out Susan Dennard’s website, Publishing Crawl, Eric Smith’s website, Manuscript Academy’s Podcast, and The Shit No One Tells You About Writing Podcast. I’ve also made a free query template, which I hope will serve as an easy guide once you begin querying!

Good luck querying, and I wish you a lot of success!